FOOD SUIT

$49.95 plus shipping and handling from Food Suit, Internet: www.foodsuit.com

Suggested by Loree Peery of San Diego, Calif.

Do you have a sports fan on your holiday gift list? We're talking about a real sports fan -- the kind of fan who, when he gets to his seat at the game, wants to remain there and not miss anything. Wouldn't it be wonderful if that person had a suit that could enable him to perform all of the key functions of a sports fan -- eat, drink, dispose of garbage, even go to the bathroom! -- without leaving his seat?

We don't think so, either. But that has not stopped the inventors of this amazing product, the Food Suit. It's made from a space-age material, and if that doesn't work out, cotton, and it's packed with useful features to enhance the experience of the sports fan who does not want, or has become unable, to move, including:

• Separate pockets for hot and cold foods;

• A condiments dispenser;

• A garbage-receptacle pocket;

• A flask pocket;

• Dual ''suck tubes'' connecting the wearer's mouth to a beer bladder and a soda bladder;

• A catheter, connected via a tube to a waste reservoir.

The Food Suit is not just practical. It's also, as you can imagine, a real visual treat: Few sights are more attractive than a man who is visibly bulging with food, drink, garbage and bodily wastes. It would not surprise us to learn that Mr. Ralph Lauren has dozens of Food Suits in his personal closet.

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