TALKING TOILET-PAPER DISPENSER

$19.95 plus shipping and handling from Spitfire Ventures, Inc., 520 Washington Blvd., #344, Marina Del Rey, Calif. 90292, phone: 310- 842-6000, Internet: www.talkingtp.com

Suggested by Victor Schwartz of Austin, Texas and Rob Yelvington of East Lansing, Mich.

Just when you think we have already discovered every possible benefit that technology can give us, somebody comes up with an idea that makes you realize that you are correct.

This is just such an idea. This is a toilet-paper dispenser that contains an electronic device, so that you can record a message on it. When a person pulls on the toilet-paper roll, the device plays the message back, with a level of fidelity so low you have to hear it to believe it.

The talking toilet-paper roll would be a terrific addition to any guest bathroom. You can record music on it, so your guests can enjoy, say, a little Barry Manilow while they are ''finishing their business.''

We also think this would be a great motivational tool for businesses. Picture the scene: You're an employee of a large corporation. You go to use the bathroom. When you grab some toilet paper, you hear the voice of your corporate CEO saying: 'Hurry up! As long as you're in here, you are not improving our 'bottom line!' Ha ha! Get it? But seriously, please limit yourself to two squares of toilet tissue.''

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