DAVE BARRY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Published Sunday, Dec. 3, 2000 in The Miami Herald

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STINK BUGS OF ECONOMIC IMPORTANCE IN AMERICA NORTH OF MEXICO

$69.95 plus shipping and handling from CRC Press, 2000 NW Corporate Blvd., Boca Raton, Fla. 33431, 800-272-7737, fax: 800-374-3401, Internet: www.crcpress.com

Suggested by Donna M. Thompson of Bakersfield, Calif.

Each year we try to include a literary selection in the Holiday Gift Guide, for the ''intellectual'' type of human on your list. This year we are very pleased to present one of the ''catchiest'' titles we can remember: Stink Bugs of Economic Importance in America North of Mexico.

We frankly cannot understand why this book is not already an international bestseller. It has all the elements you look for in a classic ''page-turner,'' including:

  •  How to identify stink bugs (we are not experts, but we assume that you smell them).

  •  How you can lose 85 pounds in just two weeks without dieting.

  •  Pictures of all your favorite movie stars naked.

    OK, perhaps not all of these elements actually appear in Stink Bugs of Economic Importance in America North of Mexico. We frankly have not had time to read it ourselves. But we are convinced, based on taking a good strong gander at it from the outside, that this book will be a huge hit with whoever gets it -- especially if you give it to some lucky youngster. Forget about the Sony PlayStation2 or those so-called ''Harry Potter'' books. Imagine the look on the face of a child when he or she opens this book and sees, for the first time in his or her young life, a chart labeled ''Crop Production and Value Summary of Important Agricultural Commodities Reportedly Damaged by Stink Bugs,'' with detailed acreage breakdowns on such crops as alfalfa, corn, macadamias and even dry beans! Do not be surprised to see the child's eyes brim with tears of happiness.

    According to Hollywood insiders, Stink Bugs of Economic Importance in America North of Mexico will soon be made into a major motion picture starring Keanu Reeves as a genetically enhanced soybean plant who leads his crop in a valiant defense against a ferocious army of invading stink bugs led by the evil queen, Odora (Courtney Love).

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