DAVE BARRY'S HOLIDAY GIFT GUIDE

Published Sunday, Dec. 3, 2000 in The Miami Herald

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''KID'S CAMO'' CLOTHING

Bib, $4.95; Diaper Shirt, $12.95; Playsuit, $14.95; Booties, $4.95; plus shipping and handling from Cabela's, One Cabela Dr., Sidney, Neb. 69160, 800-237-4444, fax 800-496-6329, Internet: www.cabelas.com

Suggested by Caroline Heald of Alexandria, Va.


Here at the Gift Guide we are huge fans of the outdoor sportsperson community, which is always thinking of exciting new products for sportspersons to purchase in their ongoing effort to win the ''battle of wits'' against, for example, fish.

This year we have a very special gift item: camouflage clothing for children. It's about time! All too often, a hunt is ruined when a deer or pheasant spots an uncamouflaged baby and flees before Dad or Mom has a chance to blow its head off. But now, thanks to the ''Kid's Camo'' clothing line, the baby will be undetectable! In fact, Dad or Mom better not set the baby down, lest it blend into the environment and disappear, forcing Mom or Dad to attempt to locate it by crawling around the ground, sniffing dog-like for the telltale scent of a loaded diaper.

But even the non-outdoorsperson parent can benefit from this clothing line. Suppose you want to go to a swanky restaurant, but you can't get a babysitter. No problem! Simply put some ''Kid's Camo'' on your baby and waltz right past the snooty maitre d'! Or let's say you have to take your baby on an airplane trip. With ''Kid's Camo,'' your baby can scream his or her little head off, but the other passengers will have no idea where the sound is coming from! You can act just as annoyed as everyone else!

The benefits for day-care center operators are even more impressive. Thanks to ''Kid's Camo,'' Mrs. Bernice Poodlewicket of Rochester, N.Y., was able to take 17 three-year-olds undetected to a matinee showing of the hit movie Meet the Parents. Four of these children are believed to be still in the theater somewhere, happily thriving on dropped popcorn.

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