DAVE BARRY'S QUALIFICATIONS TO BE PRESIDENT

CULTURAL: Dave Barry owns a Fender Stratocaster guitar that was played by Bruce Springsteen (specific song: "Gloria"). Dave Barry also plays lead guitar in a mostly-author rock band called The Rock Bottom Remainders, which also features Mitch Albom, Kathi Goldmark, James McBride, Stephen King, Ridley Pearson, Amy Tan and Warren Zevon. This band sometimes performs a song written by Dave Barry called "The Tupperware Blues," believed to be the only blues song ever written exclusively about the benefits of Tupperware.

AGRICULTURE: In an effort to better appreciate the situation of the American Farmer, Dave Barry once went to Illinois and stuck his arm into a porthole that had been installed in the side of a cow. From this experience, Dave Barry learned that the American Farmer had better wash his hands thoroughly.

DAVE BARRY WITH COW (THE COW IS ON THE LEFT)

THE ENVIRONMENT: In a courageous effort to fight litter, Dave Barry and his optometrist once transformed themselves into a pair of litter-fighting superheroes named "Captain Tidy" and "Neatness Man." They disguised their identities by wearing masks and tights, and they rode around Miami in a limousine, looking for litterbugs and giving them a good scolding. This was a very courageous thing for Dave Barry to do, considering the number of Miami residents who carry guns.
DAVE BARRY, AS CAPTAIN TIDY, CONFRONTS A LITTERER AS NEATNESS MAN LOOKS ON.

EDUCATION: Dave Barry once appeared as a celebrity contestant on Wheel of Fortune. In this capacity, he helped millions of Americans understand the critical difference between consonants and vowels. (The difference is, you have to buy vowels.)
DAVE BARRY AND PAT SAJAK HELP EDUCATE AMERICA ABOUT VOWELS.

MILITARY SERVICE: In 1994, Dave Barry was taken for a ride in an F-16 fighter jet and threw up at least eight times, believed to be a modern aviation record.

PUBLIC SERVICE: In 1994, Dave Barry set fire to a pair of men's undershorts with a sparking Barbie doll on the David Letterman show. No other current presidential candidate can make this statement.

SPORTS: Although Dave Barry has never technically played in the National Basketball Association, Dave Barry did once get dunked by Grant Long, currently of the Atlanta Hawks.
DAVE BARRY SHOWS PRO-BASKETBALL PLAYER GRANT LONG HOW TO DUNK.

FOREIGN-POLICY EXPERIENCE: Dave Barry has lived for 13 years in a foreign country (Miami). He has also traveled to other foreign places such as France (Part I & Part II)and can communicate the concepts of "beer" and "another beer, please" in at least five languages.

MONICA LEWINSKY: Dave Barry does not personally know Monica Lewinsky, but he did once watch her climb a fire escape.

At the Monica Lewinsky booksigning in Coral Gables, Fla., Dave Barry uses his special power, "X-Ray Thong-o-Vision."
(Photo by Manny Hernandez)

See the many faces of Dave Barry

Outer Space: Space Shuttle Commander Kent Rominger (top) holds a copy of Dave Barry in Cyberspace while floating around in space above the the earth(bottom). This photograph should not be construed to mean that Cmdr. Rominger or any other NASA employee supports the Barry campaign. However, candidate Barry has stated that if he is elected, the Space Shuttle will be available for bachelor parties.