$24.95 plus shipping and handling from Liberated Spectator,
P.O. Box 53893, Cincinnati, Ohio 45253; 1-877-782-3675; Internet:
Suggested by Jeff Berkowitz of Miami.
Do you have a man on your holiday gift list who -- like
so many men -- sometimes goes to the bathroom?
If so, he needs a Stadium Pal. This is a bag that is strapped
to the leg and attached to a tube, which is in turn attached to
the wearer in a way that enables him to discreetly relieve himself
anywhere. Think of the advantages! Say you're at a football game
with the guys, enjoying cold refreshing beverages. One by one,
all your friends have to get up and go to the stadium restroom,
where they face long lines, not to mention predatory bacteria
the size of hamsters.
But not you! Thanks to your Stadium Pal, you can remain comfortably
in your seat, enjoying the game, continuing to consume beverage
after beverage, and relieving yourself whenever you want! You
won't have a worry in the world, other than the fact that you
will eventually have to get yourself home while transporting a
large quantity of urine in a bag strapped to your leg. (``Hey,
what's that sloshing sound?'')
But the Stadium Pal is not just for sports fans: It's for any
man who cannot leave what he is doing to go to the bathroom. For
example, it would be perfect for the man who has to give a lengthy
commencement address (``In conclusion, members of the Class of
2002, let me just say, ahhhhhhhhhhhh'').
Don't spread this around, but we have been told that Mr. Luciano
Pavarotti would not dream of going on stage without his Stadium
Pal. This product may also explain why the Dalai Lama always looks