Dave Barry's 2001 Holiday Gift Guide
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Published Sunday, December 2, 2001


The Extremely Masculine Hydraulic Watch is a hefty hunk of metal for that macho man. As you can see, it's a handful for the average woman.
$19.95 plus shipping and handling from Great Buy USA/Merchandise Center, P.O. Box 9243, Central Islip, N.Y. 11722-9885; 1-888-674-6296; Internet: www.greatbuyusa.com.

Suggested by Jennifer Mercuri of Port St. Joe.

This is the watch for the manly male hombre on your gift list. It is a hefty hunk of alloy metal -- that's right, mister, ALLOY metal -- made in China, a nation famous around the world for the quantity of its watches. The advertisement for this product boldly states: ``Similar watches sell for $39.95 or more!'' So you know we are talking about craftsmanship.

But here is the best part: With this watch, when you want to know what time it is, you pull a knob, which activates a hydraulic piston mechanism, which raises a little cover, thus revealing the watch face. In other words, this is an ACTION watch. This is not some wussy little foo-foo girly-girl watch that, when you want to know what time it is, you just look at it.

Yes, this is a timepiece that is bound to make a ``big impression'' on members of the female gender, as we can see by this actual transcript of a simulated conversation in an imaginary singles bar:

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: Hi! Can you tell me what time it is?

MAN: I sure can! Watch this! (He activates his watch pistons.) It's 8:37 p.m.!

ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: Wow! As a woman of the female gender, I am impressed! Would you like to have carnal relations with me?

MAN: No thanks! I'm gonna play with my watch!

You will want to give this gift to every man on your holiday list who needs visible proof of his manhood. Geraldo Rivera buys these babies by the CASE.

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Copyright 2001 Dave Barry