Dave Barry's 2001 Holiday Gift Guide
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Published Sunday, December 2, 2001


You, too, can become a magnetic personality with the amazing medical Magnetic Cap. It's guaranteed to cure headaches, loss of memory and hair loss, but watch out for those metallic objects.
$99.95 plus shipping and handling from Good Catalog Company, 700 NE 55th Ave., Portland, Ore. 97213; phone 1-800-225-3870, fax 503-249-0708; Internet: www.goodcatalog.com.

Suggested by Janet Paulson of Santa Monica, Calif.

For many centuries, humanity believed that the only practical use for magnets was to attach expired pizza coupons to refrigerators. But recently, the medical community has discovered that magnetic fields can also be used, with proven results, to extract money from wacko New Age health nuts.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the Magnetic Cap, which is a plastic cap with a bunch of little magnets embedded in it. The concept is, you put this cap on your head, and thanks to the effect of the magnetic force field on your brain, you look like an extra in a movie called Dorks From Space.

But there are also health benefits. According to the literature we received with the Magnetic Cap, it can cure depression, headaches, sinus problems, loss of memory AND hair loss. How is this possible? We frankly do not have the medical training to give you a full explanation, but we can report that the Magnetic Cap literature contains many technical terms -- including ``serotonin,'' ``endorphins,'' ``melatonin,'' ``cerebellum'' and ``Velcro closure'' -- so you know it is very scientific.

We personally tested this product by wearing it in our office. The results were dramatic: Within seconds after we put the Magnetic Cap on, our research assistant was wetting her pants.

The only risk we can see from this amazing product would be if two people were wearing the Magnetic Cap, and they stood too close to each other, and their heads became stuck together. Also if you happened to be wearing a Magnetic Cap that, because of a manufacturing defect, was equipped with overly powerful magnets, you could wind up with metal objects hurtling toward you, like that unfortunate woman in the movie Carrie who got turned into human sushi by her own kitchen implements.

But that seems highly unlikely, so we're not even going to bring it up. We're just going to urge you to purchase this fine gift NOW, before the holiday rush, when the world magnetism supply is sure to run low.

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Copyright 2001 Dave Barry