Published Sunday, Dec. 3, 2000 in The
NIPGUARD NIPPLE PROTECTORS
plus shipping and handling from NipGuards, 2232 S. Main St., #361,
Ann Arbor, Mich. 48103, 734-528-3555, fax 734-528-2892, Internet:
by Peter Wray of Columbus, Ohio.
Most Americans frankly do not give enough thought to nipple
protection. Or, if they do, they never say anything about it to
Why is nipple protection important? For a graphic answer to
that question, take a gander at the official NipGuards website,
There you will see dramatic color photographs of a long-distance
runner before and after he started using NipGuards. In the before
picture, you can clearly see that -- get ready -- his nipples
are bleeding. We don't believe that any thinking person can look
at these photographs and not realize that ''Bleeding Nipples''
would be an excellent name for a rock band.
The NipGuards website also features endorsements and testimonials
from runners, including the following, which we swear we are not
to NipGuards I no longer have to worry about cracked, achy, bloody
nipples. Gone are the days when I dreaded taking my shirt off
in front of others. I took a trip down to Florida recently and
was pleasantly surprised that the salt water did not burn them.
This is the first time in years that they have not burned! Thanks
NipGuards for giving me back my nipples!''
it was Abraham Lincoln who said, ''There is no greater gift than
to give a man back his nipples.'' And so we believe that NipGuards
would be a wonderful gift for that ''special guy'' on your list
-- even if he's not a runner! He might be simply the kind of man
who prefers to keep his nipples covered at the beach or swimming
pool, thus surrounding himself with an aura of mystery and suave
debonairehood that has attractive women excitedly whispering: ''I
wonder what his nipples look like!''
It is an open secret in Hollywood that Brad Pitt purchases this
item by the gross.