Published Sunday, Dec. 3, 2000 in The Miami Herald

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$79.95 plus shipping and handling from Lifestyle Fascination, 110 Lehigh Ave., P.O. Box 3023, Lakewood, N.J. 08701-8123, 800-669-0987, Internet: www.lifestylefascination.com

Suggested by Annemarie Dunn of Riverton, N.J., and Sandra E. Hofstatter of La Marque, Texas.
A real pig nose, above is made narroe and chiseled, below, with the Cleopatra Nose Lifter, a spring-loaded device (see insert). Watch out for sneezes.

This is the perfect holiday gift for the person on your list about whom you constantly remark: ''He or she would be SO much more attractive if his or her nostrils were narrower!''

The Cleopatra Nose Lifter is a spring-loaded device that you insert into each nostril. According to the catalog we ordered it from, the device ''lifts and sculpts your nose for that thinner, slightly upturned look.'' What is more, the catalog states, this device ''does what many 'nose jobs' do not: It narrows your nostrils to give your nose the chiseled look found in so many models.''

We feel that the Cleopatra Nose Lifter -- named for the legendary queen of ancient Egypt who was famed for putting things up her nose -- is worth buying just for the accompanying brochure, which has this inspirational quotation on the cover:

''NOW I will make my nose one millimeter higher to change my future of the 21st Century.''

Under the heading ''When To Use,'' the brochure states: ''CLEOPATRA can be used in various occasions such as a job interview, an important business meeting, a special date, a graduation ceremony or whenever taking pictures and etc.''

The brochure explains how to insert the device, using special little tweezers supplied. ''If you used incorrectly,'' the brochure warns, ''the product might cause uneasiness of slight pain.'' It also suggests that ''during the use, avoid any excessive stimulation and impact on the nose.''

Also we assume that you should avoid sneezing, because you would not make the best impression if this device came shooting out of your nose and landed in the entrée of your special date.

But despite the risks, we think you would be clinically insane not to buy this product for all the people you know who would like to change their future of the 21st Century. But beware of imitators! As the Cleopatra brochure warns:

''Notice: Since CLEOPATRA is the first only kind of various beauty-supply product a variety of imitation procucts of 'knock-offs' are expected. Thus, customer discretion is highly recommended.''

We could not have said it better ourselves.

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