BOWEL BUDDY BRAN WAFERS

$32.95 plus shipping and handling from 911HealthShop.com, P.O. Box 6734, Bloomington, Ind. 47407, phone: 812-339-3048, Internet: www.911HealthShop.com

We here at the Holiday Gift Guide sincerely believe that this may be the best product name in the history of the world. The web page for this product begins with the following statement: ''If you suffer from constipation, chances are you know it!''

How very true those words are. And if there is somebody on your holiday list who suffers from this problem, we can think of no gift more likely to bring a grimace of joy to that person's face than tearing off the wrapping paper and seeing a nice big box of Bowel Buddy bran wafers! At that point, you can shout out this traditional and festive holiday greeting: ''Bowel Buddies quickly supply a large amount of insoluble fiber directly to the bowel where, with water, it goes to work pushing, cleaning churning and clearing.'' Ho ho ho!

Which reminds us: Be sure to leave a nice plate of Bowel Buddies for Santa, too.

NEXT GIFT: CAFFEINATED SOAP